I WON’T WANT TO LIE OR IS IT JUST ALL IN MY HEAD?

Grab a sit let’s have an honest conversation. I’m most definitely sure some thought I ran away or gave up even though I sometimes feel that way. It’s been a long writing break as opposed to me wanting to put myself more out there. But hey, here I am now optimistic about my return. I won’t want to lie to you as nothing ever seems to be as it seems. I have been struggling not only with doubts but with a whole lot and even down to having writer’s block. I have always been an overthinker and as I sit to put my thoughts down, I am overwhelmed with so many other things I want to say.

Last year I was celebrated with an exquisite entrance to twenty-five and honestly, I couldn’t have asked for a more behooving gesture. Months have gone by making it almost a year already and the dreadful feeling of what next has been all up in my gut kicking violently, seeking closure by desiring what the next phase has in store. I hate that my mind wonders but oh well; that is why it is called life init? I remember a prudent person once told me “Every day is a blessing, Tolulope be grateful for even the smallest of things and make sure to find happiness in them”. I can’t even bypass that because every day, I wake up and it’s on my wall staring right back at me. In my fit to be more intentional, I decided to own a gratitude journal so for every day, I should be able to find one big or little thing I am grateful for. I wouldn’t want to lie as we all have days where we feel blank and struggle with inconsistency even though I ain’t proud to admit this but I guess that’s what makes us human right? I am sure we all have people who look up to us and we most times try to give the best advice even though we don’t take our own said advice. I can tell you for a fact that there are days I motivate people and can’t even seem to motivate myself. Life is tough, we are all adulting and adjusting, we see it and get to experience it in certain ways: navigating life, a career, maintaining health, a clear skin, life drama, and sometimes family, growing your finances,owning a spiritual life, and having to navigate your way through toxic spaces seem like a whole lot. But wait, is all this just in my head?

I know we get it already life challenges all of us in various ways and I can tell you that I have grown to revel in the fact that this life thing is always a process and it is okay to pick yourself whenever or wherever you fall. So breathe, knowing that it is okay to feel all these emotions but don’t stay there darling because you are way more than you give yourself credit for.

One thing I promised myself this year is to live intentionally and this includes every other sphere of life. You also can decide that starting today. I’ll leave you with these few words given to me by my Abba.

Child! I make no ordinary thing. I do not do average and I made you for greatness. Your future is blinding. So you can’t be afraid, don’t be scared to be bold. This is what I’ve planned for you; to live a fearless, unashamed life. Everything that scares you doesn’t even exist. It is all in your head. Every gift I have given you, I have given you a strong voice for a reason, I have given you an amazing personality for a reason; Go ahead child, go and be great. Make your FATHER proud.

This is seemingly just a peek into the thoughts that keep me up at night. Cheers 🥂

You can follow me on Instagram @barbrabreezy

Twitter: @barbra_breezy

Medium: @ Tolulope Barbra Oladipo

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